![]() In a rage, she began listing all the good things that she had done for me all my life and all the rotten ways in which I had betrayed and abandoned her. ![]() One of the last times I talked to her, I called her to tell her that I loved her and always had, thinking that maybe she just didn’t know I loved her. Shortly after our wedding my mom called me “a daughter from hell - the worst daughter a mother could have” and “the worst Christian she had ever seen.” She criticized how my husband and I spent our time together after we got married, and how we managed our finances - even where we placed our furniture in our home. She made life so stressful that I ended up having had an “immediate family only” wedding, not the wedding I had always dreamed of, in which she wore black and she muttered under her breath all through the ceremony. Our pastor said that in all his 30 years of ministry, he had never encountered a family like mine. My mom refused to help me plan my wedding when I asked but she told my husband’s family that I refused to let her help. For 20+ years I tried to reconcile with her without submitting completely to her control (the same sort of control abusive spouses try to exert over their victims), but it was impossible. Never again could I ever please her. I thought at first that my mom was just having trouble letting go, but this was not a normal struggle between a mom and her adult daughter. My status changed when at the age of 28 I got engaged to my husband. My mom tried to establish control over us, she tried to break us up, and when I resisted, she lied about me and turned my whole family against me. The relationships had been too damaged in our childhood to survive. I had no idea that we weren’t all loved equality. When I discovered that we hadn’t all been loved, I reached out to my other unfavored sisters and we became friends for a number of years. This made me very guiltable and I became a secondary favorite. My mom called me “The Christian” and “The Caring One” who could be counted on to be helpful. I was very empathetic, compliant, and obedient, and I wanted to “show Christ” to my unsaved family. My mother was so skilled at covert abuse and “rewriting” reality that siblings were pitted against each other and we never saw her hand pulling the strings. In an abusive family, no one is really loved and no one grows up whole. Those who were unfavored could do nothing right. Those who were favored never saw my mom’s ugly side. My mom, who I later came to believe is narcissistic, favored some of her children over others. I understand that your ministry primarily addresses spousal abuse, but I would like to highlight another group of abuse victims that is harmed by church teaching: victims of parental abuse.Ī brief summary: I grew up as the fifth of six kids. We greatly appreciate this lady’s willingness to share her story, heartache, and path to freedom with us in the hope that others will be helped. As we know, abusers / sociopaths / narcissists can effect their evil in other arenas besides a marriage. Here is the life story of one of our readers whose abuser has been, and remains, her mother. A Story of Lifelong Abuse by a Narcissistic Parent - And the Path to Freedom
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